Everyone who knows me knows these things about me: I love pink, I love coffee and whiskey, and I love anal sex. This, combined with my years of slutitude, makes me a pro source for good advice for anal sex. This is being written for the answer to such a request.

1- it might hurt. BUT IT DOESNT HAVE TO. here’s my advice for limiting how much it hurts. A- relax, and let your partner help you relax through touching, fingering, and/or rimming (which feels weird at first but then really really good.) OVER A LONG TIME. ESPECIALLY IF ITS THE FIRST TIME. I MEAN LIKE AN HOUR. B- stretch the rectum and anus. You can do this with fingers, or my favourite method which is butt plug, worn during the whole of foreplay and even before. C- for the love of fuck go slowly. Don’t go straight to hard pound town. If you can’t trust your partner not to do that DONT DO THAT because anal tears hurt a fucking lot and put you at serious risk or bad blood infections.

2- DO NOT GO FROM ANAL SEX TO VAGINAL SEX BECAUSE YOU WILL GET THE SINGLE WORST YEAST INFECTION ON THE PLANET.

3- hygiene: the day to two days before, eat a plant-fibre heavy diet. If you want to “clean out” your intenstines, drink tons of hot water or tea or coffee. If you want, do an enema on yourself ( but if you do this, wait an hour to three hours before sex to let the anal mucous build up again to make the sex safer and less potentially damaging. ) wipe yourself with baby wipes to be certain of cleanliness.

4- be aware that there is potential to cause impregnation if semen exits the anus and goes over the vaginal opening.

5- be aware that afterwards these things are likely: “santorum” (fecal matter/lube foam/semen if applicable) will probably make several appearances over the day; fecal matter might be on the penetrative object; there may be blood if its your first time, preparation was rushed, lube was used less than it should have been; you might not enjoy it.

6- USE A METRIC FUCK TON OF LUBE. Lube before sex. Lube during the sex. Lube into the anus because lube just over the sphincter does not mean that the whole penetration will be lubricated. Lube on lube on lube.

7- you can say ‘no’ and 'stop’. If you have to, do so. Immediately.

8- if you or the person you’re with can’t deal with the facts of anal sex and the possibility of poop and the need of stretching which involves internal, finger sex, you should not be having anal sex.