Sex and Drugs

Opinions on mixing drugs and sex vary greatly from person to person. They range from “never OK, no exceptions” to “anything goes.” As a peer sex educator AND real, live, sexual person, I have the benefit of viewing this issue from more than one perspective.

From the standpoint of university health educators, consent is an important factor when talking about drugs, as well as legality. Alcohol use is discouraged for underage students, and drug use is discouraged for everyone. However, at the same time, peer educators realize that people do use drugs and drink underage at times. This means they must have a policy for any overlap between drugs and sex. At my university and many others, they simply abide by the university rule that consent cannot be legally obtained while either party is impaired by drugs or alcohol.

However, in my non-educator opinion, the line is not black and white. Obviously, if a person is tripping balls and has no idea what is going on around them, sexual relations should be off-limits. Similarly, someone who is so drunk they are unable to string together a coherent sentence should not be propositioned for sex. However, what about cases where a couple has had a few drinks together and decide to fool around in  bed? Or a person who has just smoked a bit of weed and wants to hook up with someone cute he or she just met? For the most part, I would hardly define either of these situations as rape. But how does one draw the line? Here are some tips I’ve come up with to help.

1. Use intuition. If I am with someone at a party, and we’ve both had a drink or two, chances are I have the judgment to decide whether or not the situation is safe - and if I’ve brought a friend (which is a good safety precaution), I can always ask them for assistance on the judgment call provided they aren’t completely hammered. I can also use my intuition to help me decide if the person I want to have sex with is completely into it, and not hesitant. Any hesitation should be understood as non-consent in a situation where drugs or alcohol are involved.

2. Premeditate the act. In the case that I am with my significant other and I know I will be using drugs or alcohol, I can make a preliminary decision with them regarding whether or not I might like to have sex later. Both partners must keep in mind that the other’s consent can be withdrawn at any time at all, even in the middle of a sexual act.

3. Protection. It should be a no-brainer to bring a condom anytime you think you might have sex involving a penis - in fact, it might be good to carry one with you at all times (you never know when you or anyone you’re with may need one!). But really, if I’ve had any kind of mind-altering substances at all, my chances of wanting to go obtain protection are so much lower than when I’m sober. Having a condom physically with me will statistically increase my chances of using barrier protection.

4. Knowing the person. It may not be as wise to be sexual with someone you just met that night if you are at all under the influence. After all, if you met them while intoxicated, how can you properly judge them as a person if you’ve never talked to them with unclouded judgment (e.g. sober)? If you’ve been drinking or using drugs, it might be best to hold off on sex with someone you don’t know well.

Consent is a very complicated topic with many facets, and what’s right for one person in a certain situation is not always OK for another person. Only you have the ability to judge your own ability to consent. However, I think that my tips are a good starting point for judging a situation and deciding what is safe and comfortable for you.