When I used to work at a porn shop, a kid came in, asked for a bottle of the “cheapest lube we have” and then asked me out.

Usually I would just tell him I had a boyfriend, who is a cop, but I was too busy thinking, “really? you want to woo a lady with the cheap stuff? Get some glycerin free and maybe we can talk.”

Sometimes I regret knowing as much as I do about sexual lubricants.