I am shallow

I'll admit it! I'm shallow. But I'm not looking for anything more than fun in my life right now, so I don't care.

When other girls whine about Mr. Right or rhapsodize about the new guy they've fallen in love with, my ears don't even work. I don't care. My life is about me. If there turns out to be a guy in my future who fits, that will be terrific. But right now, I'm about me.

That's why I can be seduced in so many ways and for so many reasons.

I only go to bed with cute guys.

I'll tell you the unvarnished truth just once - if I'm horny, you're cute.

My biggest reason for wanting to have sex with a particular guy is that I want to have sex.

If I feel bad, if I have had a bad day, if I feel put upon and sat upon, I probably won't have sex with you. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter what you give me. if I don't feel like it, I just won't have sex.

Fortunately, there are usually 364 more days a year.

My shortest date ever.

We all know the ritual. The guy shows up. You go out. He provides you with a dinner, a movie, and some after hours drinks and conversation. Then you go home and have sex with him.

One time, I had the greatest date with a guy but it was also the shortest date I think I have ever been on.

He was an older man, maybe in his late 30's. Probably single. Perfectly manicured nails. Perfect hair. Great tan. And eyes that seemed to sparkle.

So I liked him to begin with.

He showed up to take me out and he brought me a "little token of his affection". If was a diamond necklace.

I like diamonds. I've even taken a course at the university in diamond gemology. I can recognize genuine diamonds at 10 feet. I even have a special light set up around the mirror in the entryway to my apartment so I can see what the real color of a diamond (and my makeup) truly is.

These were diamonds.

I showed him the proper enthusiasm for such a fantastic gift. Then I hugged him and kissed him. The I showed him what the diamonds looked like with nothing else on.

Total date time - about 20 seconds.

My current guys

I am currently seeing two separate and hot guys. Their bods are to die for. Neither one has much money.

One is a fireman. Do I need to say more? He's a hunk! His arms are almost as big around as my waist. And he likes to take his shirt off...

The other is a baseball player. Okay, so he is only in the minor leagues, but I love him! This hunk's "Aw - shucks" style is not pretend. I don't think he actually knows he's hot. i even went out and bought a baseball mitt because of him.

But neither one is around much and there's plenty of room in my life for other men.

If a guy looks like this or like my other boyfriends do, I can be seduced.

When we meet, what should you say?

I truly like dumb pickup lines.

The dumber the line, the faster the pickup. Any guy who approaches me in a bar as says, "What's a nice girl like you doin' in a place like this?", will get the reply, "I don't know. Do you want to go to my place and have sex instead?"

My other favorites are "Heaven is missing an angel tonight 'cause you are right here." "Are you from Tennessee? You're the only 10 I see." "Of all the joints in all of the world, why'd you pick this one to be in tonight?"

If you approach me and just say, "Hi, my name is Jeff." That may work. I'll at least have mercy on you, because you are following all of those directions in all of those books about picking up girls. If you send me a drink, I'll smile and wave at you. But you ought to send me a drink that is not the same as the one I already have. And it ought to be flamboyant like a mai tai with a little umbrella or something with a big piece of fruit in it.

But like I said I like dumb stuff. And I'll go to bed with you based upon how I feel, not what you do.