Last Friday

Last Friday I was off to see this beautiful girl and her awesome boyfriend who I had met a month ago at a gay pride party. We had had a threesome that night, and it was so good that we agreed there should be a repeat of it. Anyway, the three of us meet up at their apartment and had some wine, whiskey and a good chat. Things progressed and we took it to the large king sized bed. The boyfriend then proceeds to take out a box that is hidden somewhere in a closet, containing such lovely things as whips, handcuffs, ball gags, vibrators and various types of lube. I had also brought along some of my own collection, like my vibrator, which is intended for vaginal use really. 

Anyway, at some point during the threesome, I am on top of the girl, going down on her while being taken from behind, when the guy inserts the vibrator into my anus. This is not really something I was unfamiliar with, If you want to achieve that double-penetration feeling, and you only have one male in the room, that’s kinda what you do. Anyway, the threesome is all awesome and lovely, I have a shoutingly loud orgasm, then so do the others, and we all collapse in a sweaty satisfied sandwich of bodies. So far so good. Then the guy says to me that the vibrator must still be inside me, I am vibrating. At first I didn’t believe him, but when I jumped out of bed I realised that my insides were actually vibrating. 

So I run to the bathroom and see if I can get it out the natural way…. no luck. At this point I am feeling a little panicky and a lot embarrassed. The girl then suggests that she should put on some medical gloves (these people really had EVERYTHING) and try to get it out for me. She gets about four fingers up in there before I am like, no, ouch, hurts too much. Then her boyfriend insists on giving it a try. Also no luck. At this point we are all kinda joking about it, and we decide to go to sleep and deal with it in the morning (note, at that point I was still vibrating). I woke up the next morning to find that at least my vibrator had run out of battery power, so my stomach had finally ceased to wobble uncomfortably. Unfortunately I was also pained by crippling stomach aches, because that thing appeared to be pretty high up somewhere in my colon. So i take the train back home and head straight for the hospital, thinking that the sooner I can get it out of me, the better. 

Now imagine going to the ER and having to explain to a nurse what happened to you? And then having to explain it again to 3 other nurses and doctors. That day I met about 5 different medical professionals, two of which put their fingers up my but, not to mention a rectoscope and all other kinds of shiny, scary-looking instruments. In the end, after hours spent in various waiting rooms we managed to remove the foreign object with the help of a liquid enema. Biggest relief of my life! And that was why I spent my entire saturday in the hospital. 

The main lesson that I have learnt from this story is that, well, shit happens. 

Also, I need to go out and buy myself a new vibrator….   Never stick anything up your ass that has the potential to stay there!