I am not ashamed to be a slut

I am a slut. I enjoy sex, I believe that pleasure is good for me and most of all, I am not ashamed of it. 

Why am I not ashamed to have slept with people whose names I still don’t know, with close friends who were drunk or to have had the occasional accident happen to me? I mean, most people I know like to keep their sex life secret, and are ashamed to talk about things like anal sex, getting their periods in the middle of a one night stand or getting and STD. I like to call these people prudes, although that is probably a little unfair of me. Society conditions us to be ashamed of our bodies, to keep sex a completely private thing. So why am I not like that? Why did I turn out to be a slut? I can’t be sure, but I have a pretty good guess on how it all started. So here, for you is my journey into sluthood. 

I like girls. I also like boys and everything in-between, but for the purposes of this story that fact is irrelevant. The point is, I realized fairly early on that I liked girls. And also that this was not “normal”. I was 14 when it kind of “clicked” in my head, but I had a suspicion that there was something sexually different about me much earlier, even though I would not admit it to myself. Now, the societal norm is not for a girl to like other girls. I grew up in a hetero-normative society and I felt the impact of that. I grew up in social circles where the word “lesbian” was in insult and a description for disgusting and ugly women. So how did I react to my feelings about women? With shame. I was deeply ashamed of my sexuality, and since I hadn’t come out yet I felt like there was no-one to talk to about my feelings. At the same time I recognized that my feelings of shame and my unhappiness were the fault of my desire to want to conform with society in general. 

When I did finally come out as bi I was met with mostly support and acceptance, which was a great relief to me. I was also met with verbal and physical abuse, ignorance and intolerance. But the reaction I remember most was curiosity. All of a sudden I had become the expert of Lesbian sex, gay rights and the insights of a bisexual mindset. People wanted to know things about me, sexually. People asked me questions about sex I was in no way qualified to answer, and women asked me about the men’s perspective on a relationship, because after all, I also dated women. So I became the local expert on sex before i had ever even had it! I basked in this new found attention, I enjoyed the infamy that came with being the only out-of-the-closet-kid. Straight women wanted to make out with me, straight men wanted to hook up with me because being bisexual is “sexy”. Gay guys liked me cause I was chill and talk to them about coming out (occasionally they made out with me too). My experience of sexuality in society was extremely imbalanced. On the one hand, being different made popular and interesting, on the other hand it subjected me to abuse and criticism. 

This completely split reaction of society only drove me further into the field of deviant sexuality. The negativity and judgment I received made me angry and fiercely proud. I decided that all of society was wrong about sex and that I was aloud to be loud and proud about whatever I did in bed. That it was my mission to talk about sex as if it were a completely normal thing, to educate people. The interested reactions and the attention I received on the other hand drove me to crazier and more extreme things. Just being bisexual was not enough anymore. I also had to become polyamorous, into BDSM and an expert on groupsex and the more I was met with misunderstanding and misinformation, the more I believed that I was my own personal mission to go out into the world and have all the crazy sex, and then to educate the “normal” people around me. I wanted to bring understanding and tolerance to the world by living an alternative lifestyle and telling people about it. I tried to end judgement be refusing to feel ashamed.  I’m still trying to do that. 

I am trying to  become an ethical slut, I have become sex positive and I have become a walking advice column amongst my friends. I love that. 

I have also been severely judged by society at large and those closest to me. I don’t exactly love that. 

So, has becoming a slut been worth it? Should I regret my past transgressions? 

I have to say, I don’t believe that everyone in the world should live as I do. Most people in the world are heterosexual and monogamous, and that’s ok. I’m not saying they should suddenly engage in wild slutty behaviour. That’s not at all what I want. I just want to live in a world where all forms of sexual expression are ok. 

I have done a lot of crazy things in and outside the bedroom. I've ruined reputations and I’ve broken hearts, but I did it all in order to discover sexuality and to fuck what society thinks of me. And that’s why I am not ashamed to be a slut.